Hypocracy

  Remember, remember, that day in November?
It had been a long and painful month for Jennifer, who after just starting her las semester of college, lost her mother to breast cancer. Although she knew that it would be a difficult tragedy to overcome, she had no idea how many aspects of her life a death in the family would affect. Amidst her irrational blurr of thoughts, she pictured it to be like in the movies(as we all do when gobbsmacked by life's experiences); where her entourage would come to her rescue and help her emerge as a phoenix rising from the ashes. But life went on and most people preffered to remain in their shallow social bubble than look at such a crude and inevitable reality. Jen was now floating through her days, through college and lost sight of most of these phony friends. But she still stuck around Ariella, who had always remained close to her.

Lately Ariella had been acting strange,however and had grown distant from her at a time when she was most needed. The dynamics of their relationship changed vastly now that Jen was down. To Ari it was too hard to express sympathy towards one of her greatest competitors, but this of course remained under wraps of layers and layers of political correctness. Avoidance became her greatest defense. 
Despite her strength of character, Jen's heart opened up in this time of vulnerability inciting love and compassion in even the "busiest" of people, who insisted on showing some form support in whichever way they could. But not Ari, who only grew more distant and uncomfortable.

So when Julia, a mutual friend was back in town for a visit, the ever-egoistic Ari knew that this was her time to shine. She took her down to their favorite bar and made sure not to tell Jen a word. She indulged in telling Julia all that had happened while she was away, which meant making it seem as though she was the heroin of every story. Suddenly Jen walked in, looking disappointed. Ari got caught off guard and slightly turned her shoulders inwards, acting like she didn't see her.

“Oh... Jen, I thought you were in class”

“and i thought you would have called me-”

“JEN!!!!”, Julia shouted excitedly, oblivious to the socially layered conflict stirring in the air.

As Jen sat down Julia prompted her to catch her up on what she had missed. Although she knew this wasn't the time nor the place, she had to tell Julia about her mother's passing, as it was too recent to ignore. She swallowed hard and began to arrange the words in her head, attempting to inform her friend but not throw herself a pity party. She always thought that it was common courtesy to keep her tragedies to herself so she tried to put a light spin on most things, but this time around there was no way to avoid the awkwardness.

Well,she began as she finally mustered up her courage,while fiddling with the peanut shells on the table.

“--My dog died” shouted Ari," from across the room, as only a good competitor could do.

“What” said Julia, “aw poor bubba”

“I know... he was only five and he choked on a rabbit bone, can ye believe it.”

Jen's jaw dropped, like it had never dropped before. She could not believe what Ari had just done. Suddenly all the noise in the bar turned to buzzing and she felt as though she were in a bubble looking out at the world. She transported herself back to her mother's funeral where she saw people looking like small ants as they pretended to live through their petty social interactions. Nothing had changed, only this time her best friend cunningly betrayed her through a social swipe that she would never forget. She always said that death brought out the best in people, and the worst in people, today she discovered the worst in her best friend.

Morning Call (memoirs of San Francisco)

SLAM! “CAAAAAAARLAAAAAA, CAAAAAARLAAAAAAA....I can't find it!”

My eyes slowly peel open and I can already feel that they are bloodshot. I look over to mushi, who is still sound asleep. That bitch. I can hear the permeation of noise comming from all corners of my room and penetrating my once peacefull slumber. The obnoxious cries of my young neighbor and her friend continuously slamming the door which just so happens to be located right behind my head combined with the monotonous lull of gregarious merengue music comming from upstairs...where the beasts themselves actually live. 

They are not quite the devil, they aren't the types of people that spy, stare or plot cunningly, but rather the careless primitive types that plunder through life and crash clumisily into those that they encounter.

My angry mind has trouble digesting the poison that I just ingested from the disturbing slams and cruel cries and my body slowly tries to make up for the imbalance in me by pulling me to life. A new day has begun.

I look in the mirror, now granted I am usually a fairly well-shaped human being, ye know easy on the eyes, today I am a train wreck. My once glorious olive skin is sucked dry and pale, my face is cut with deep wrinkles. The bags under my eyes are so big they can only reflect the weight of bullshit that I'm carrying from living in this hostile environment.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not some 80 year old wimp that goes ballistic over a few slammed doors, I have roughed it out in my life, I've sailed the seas, moved around and lived in all kinds of places but this is too damn much. I've camped on dry volcanic mountains and woken up to black dusty phlegm as a taste of my morning. I lived with crazies and kookoos, party animals and unstable women but this was TOO DAMN MUCH. The noise came from all sides everhwere at once and penetrated my usually strong rock like inner peace to make me into an angry grumbling morning b**** and even worse...an ugly one at that.

I pulled it together, scraped the crusty eyeliner from my epic raccoon eyes, did some pilates and some other crazy exercise and got the ****  out of there. This is my life!

ZE HAUS OF THE DEAD(AKA short memoirs of San Francisco)

 oh god look at them. All of them, with their pasty pale skin and their vegetarian demeaneur. Their hippie clothing that probably costed more than my designer sweater(that I love btw) and their greasy hair covered in winter beanies. It's summer dammit! They sit here with their mac books lined neatly in a row ironically revealing how unoriginal their quest for unconventionality has become. 

Reading, staring into space or striking a pretentious pose that almost matches the plain Ikea-like minimalistic pine wood décor.

And the coffee, the coffee is the most expensively gross shit I've ever tasted in my life. Yet, here I am again, not because I love this place and its unusually pompous barristas but because this is the only place in the world where I can get some much needed peace and quiet...and write. 

Oh how I love to feel the words that I never speak slip through my powerful fingers. The skilled writer's words can be a beautiful tool to shape the world, depending solely on the ones chosen. Its your time, your place wherever you go and the skies the limit. No one is watching not even myself, I'm lost in a new world and I feel so pure.

I have no choice but to use my powers to transport me to a beautiful place I call home, I constantly dream of the day I get to San Diego and feel great again. I can already feel the sun slowly roasting my skin as I sit carelessly in Balboa park, a mystical place, known for it's reminiscent Spanish beauty but tweaked with a modern American touch.A place where the gentle mixture of cultures is complemented by the slow sway of palm trees; and the constant gentle lull of the surfer's heart beats to the rhythm of the waves. A place where beauty flows freely on sun kissed smiles and there is no need for pretension. Simply put, I place where I belong. Good Times.

But enough about me let's talk about the douchelberries that surround me. I often find that those who say very little have a lot of great hidden ideas, but not these people, every snort and remark is another slithery snide passive aggressive statement that was placed there to heighten the already awe inspiring experience of being in an overpriced wannabe European coffee house. 

Oh Joy. Now just to set the record straight, I've lived in both northern and southern Europe for over ten years and uh sorry guys but these douche holes don't even exist there. Its just the typical street bistro style cafes and normal people. In fact if someone was ever spotted in Europe wearing a beret and blogging in a café, one could only assume that they were probably visiting... from San Francisco.

Short Story: United

Allison put her mug of tea down on top of his phone number that she had scribbled onto a torn piece of notebook paper. “Who cares”, she thought to herself, “I bet he won't even call” she predicted. It had been exactly three years since the last time she saw Ted and by now she was not as gitty as she used to be to hear that he was in town.

Buzzzzz, she checked her phone. Ahah! When in doubt, send a text, she thought. She looked at her phone in shock, he was downstairs.

She scrambled to the bathroom, fixed her hair as quickly as possible and slapped on some perfume. Now,she was much more nervous than she wanted to believe. After all these years he still managed to reduce her down to a clumsy school girl, and she hated him for it. What could this heartbreaker possibly want from her after cheating on her, dumping her and then deleting her off of facebook. She was getting mad just thinking about him and now, here he was.

There was a tiny rap at the door, as if it came from a soft child's hand. She looked through the peeper, checked her hair one last time, took a deep breath and opened the door. His tall slender figure was crumpled over and as he looked up at her, his large brown eyes had a sweet compassionate twinkle, as if he had been crying. She couldn't understand, Ted was the most insensitive man she knew, what could possibly be going on. Ally completely switched her approach from guarded to nurturing, she suddenly went back to all those years of unconditional love that she had given this man and forgot all of the pain that he had put her through.

“Come in”. He walked in and cleared his throat. They looked at each other and hugged. She held onto him, like a small child clinging to her father. She closed her eyes and smelt his hair as she always did whenever she embraced him. She felt as though she fit perfectly into his body, as if she finally found a lost piece of her puzzle.

Before she had a chance to let go of him, he burst into tears. What happened from that point on was a huge blurr of melancholic magic that Ally threw herself into fearlessly. She found out that Ted had just lost his mother, who died in a car accident. He came to her because he knew she would understand, having lost both of her parents. Even though Ted showed very little sympathy for her when she lost her mother, she knew she had to be there for him, she still loved him very much.

They held each other and talked about so many things. It was like the entire relationship that they should have had 3 years ago was finally happening now, on this one strange day. Ted confessed that he had always loved her and that he pushed her away out of fear, he knew that he never felt anything as strong as what he felt for Ally.

Oddly enough, that night they made love and it was very magical.

The next day she woke up to the sun piercing through her shutters and peeling her eyelids open. Her room was a wreck and she was alone. In the kitchen she noticed that her coffee pot and toaster were used and discarded, just as she was. She couldn't believe it, could he really abandon her after telling her such intimate details about himself, after losing his mother? Ted hit a new low.

To Ted, that crazy day was fresh in his memory. He felt vulnerable and was sure that his mother's death would help him to reach out to his long lost love. The girl that he had treated the worst out of all of them. But do you think that, that stopped him from running off like a jerk? Of course not. Except for the first time, he hated himself for it. He knew his mother was watching him and he felt her shame. Some days he couldn't stand himself.

His phone vibrated. It was Jen, Ally's best friend. She hadn't talked to him since that time she called, four months ago, and cussed him out for what he did on that special day. She spoke such awful words to him that he had to hold the phone away, but he knew inside that she was just reacting to having found Ally so deeply depressed and resembling a lifeless shadow of her former self. Now he wondered what Jen could still want to call him for.

“You need to get over here,”said Jen.

“Where?”

“The hospital!” she exclaimed hurriedly.

“Whats going on?!” he demanded, remembering that the last time he had heard those words was when he suffered the deepest tragedy of his life. This couldn't be happening again could it, he wondered.

“It's Ally...she needs you”

Ted felt his face turn completely white. His legs felt slightly numb and tingly, as if he were about to pass out. He grabbed a cab down to the University Hospital of Geneva. His eyes darted as a rush of thoughts and memories came pouring in. He wondered if she was still angry at him, he thought she might be pregnant. What if she was pregnant? He thought, they could keep it, he could clean up his act and they could start a family. He could do it, he wanted to do it, it would be the push he needed to finally be with her. He straightened up, he was suddenly excited to see her and for them to start their new life.

He paid the cab driver and made his way. Jen texted him “ we r in room 24 a”. As he approached the room Jen and Terry, Ally's other best friend, were waiting outside. They approached Ted with worried eyes.

“Whats going on?” he demanded.

“she..she..”

“-What!?”

“She had that Ethiopian food, the one she loved, and she got...”

“sick”

“E.coli” Terry yelled

“What” Ted's entire world was spinning around him, was she sick, would she die, of course not its just a matter of treatment he thought.

“she doesn't have much time”

“what, but...theres a cure for E.coli”

Jen and Terry stared back with anguish

“THERES A CURE FOR E.COLI” he screamed.

A nurse grabbed him and calmed him. She explained everything. Ted held his face to hide his tears, he needed to keep it together, for Ally.

He peered into the window to her room and almost lost it. The whole room was so white. Her little body was curled over to her side. She was in the fetal position and looked so vulnerable.

“You never looked so pretty” he whispered.

Her eyes were glassy and her lips were dry and crackling.

She was so dehydrated that she could hardly speak. She was allowed small quantities of hydration which came from wet sponges. She sucked so hard and desperately onto one sponge that she bit it out of Ted's hands. He did his very best not to break down and just stroked her thinning hair.

Despite all of her pain and suffering, Ally looked incredibly angelic, prompting Ted to pour his heart out. As she lay limp he told her everything. He explained how scared he had been, how he purposely sabotaged the relationship. He told her about how his mother asked about “that beautiful girl you carry a picture of” right before she died. Finally, he explained how much she was on his mind throughout all of those years and how he secretly waited for her , no matter who he was with at the time.

As he poured out his feelings, life came back to Ally's cheeks and eyes. She uncurled her body and tried to sit up, but she could barely move anything but her arm. After Ted finished speaking, they sat in silence and stared at each other. Ally mustered up the strength to lean over and her dried lips slowly opened as she whispered,

“I waited for you too.”

Ted curled up next to her and fell asleep.

He sprung awake to a violent roar: a car alarm. He looked around and saw nurses chatting excitedly.

“Why the hell are they so happy,” he thought,”don't they know about Ally?”

“Ally?!?”

      

He suddenly realized that he was alone in her bed.

The Double Life

"When I was young I always wanted to live the double life", said Raoul,"but now I have to work..."

Ok I'll admit it, the main reason why I even cared to ask my sexy environmentalist college professor about his journeys' across the Tundra, the Jungle and the Deserts, is because I had a huge freakin' crush on him.

I mean he had the most gorgeous blue eyes, a cute Spanish accent and he actually cared about...well hippy things.

But that's besides the point. The Double life that Raoul speaks of  is a mixture of the life you want to live and the life you have to live. It's Avatar vs Reality. When I speak of the life you want to live I don't mean succeeding within this society like: I wanna be a billionaire, be surrounded by hot beezies and crap on a gold toilet seat.

I'm talking about a full out escape, a day without concrete, without billboards and skyscrapers. "You mean like the country?", yeah I guess so except even in the country there are social pressures pulling you back to the center of urban reality.

So back to my story, when Raoul told me about the double life he spoke straight to my soul. So I started Hiking. Every possible moment that I could, I took a train here, took a bus there and got to know my local mountains.

It was beautiful. I saw waterfalls, lush greenery's and heard the true sound of silence. the silence is something we take the most for granted, I feel. Every train ride I took home was a slow painful approach to an urban reality I did not want to live. I would see Madrid's skyline and the juxtaposition of concrete light by fluorescent lights and cry. I didn't want the other reality...at all.

This is Camino

So I decided to go on a really, really REALLY big hike. It's called El Camino de Santiago, the way of St. James. It is a four-week, 800km hike across the north of Spain. It is also a 1000 year old Christian pilgrimage.

What I wanted out of this journey was just 3 weeks of non-stop nature, what I got was so much more. I met friends that I have never forgotten. I got closer to my own friends on a whole new level. I freed my mind from all of my "real world" addictions like Redbull,Chanel, Facebook and Bravo TV.

But most of all I got to know a beautiful new natural reality, and my imagination started to take over. I used to believe that me and my group were like members of lord of the Rings and that I was this special princess who was on a mystical quest. Come on, who doesn't want that!?!?!? Isn't that why everyone loves Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and Avatar?

We all want to go on this simple beautiful and natural journey where we follow our personal legend(as Coelho says) and become who we want to be instead of who they want us to be. Well I don't know about you guys, but I'm sick of living their reality. In a few months I will do the Camino de Santiago again. I will post pictures and tell you all about it, except when it's done, I won't come back to "Reality".

I am on the Right, I felt like such a princess in that outfit

I've never Seen any of us look Happier

Hey everybody!

I'm new to this blogging thing but I was born to write, so who gives a damn.
I'm here to be honest and share my vision of the world, so I hope your ready.
I've been living in Europe for most of my life but I've had some snippets of Americanization here and there...I lived in ATL,CT, SF and now SD.
I went to college in Spain. It was awesome, amazing,pretty much the best decision of my life....so why did I leave...wah wah waaaaaaah
well Sometimes in life we like to believe that being happy is kind of the easy way out of things, so I thought that in order to live in the Real world I had to go to San Francisco and study advertising.
so how did that work out for me....pretty pretty bad. It sucked. I hated it. I hated the people. I hated the fact that I spent two days straight thinking about how to sell Sketchers shape ups. I hated the hipsters and yes I hated Frisco.
sorry but its true and this blog only speaks the truth. Advertising is very competitive and competitive people are evil sneaky douche bags who hate good people. So if your a remotely good person do yourself a favor and don't go for it, because like every other evil profession in this world it comes neatly packaged in a glamorous veneer, but has a deceitful truth to it. (yes theres exceptions to the rule and u should be the example for people to follow like steve jobs and blah blah blah but you know what I mean)
So anyways I dropped out(needless to say, but i said it anyway) and ran off to San Diego with my now ex boyfriend. So sitting around here and contemplating my sad mid twenties life turned out to kind of eat me alive...so i decided THIS IS BULLSHIT and that's where it all begins.


Here is an Ad I came up with while in school. it's for a thrift store called out of the closet.